


when i’m like this, you’re the one i trust

by sunshineforthesoul



Series: blinded by the lights [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Hockey, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27374353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshineforthesoul/pseuds/sunshineforthesoul
Summary: “What’re you thinking about?”“I’m just thinking about how lucky I am to have you.”The tension eases on Adam’s face, replaced with a content smile. “Funny,” he hums, “because I was thinking the same thing about you.”(or: Justin and Adam take care of each other)
Relationships: Adam "Holster" Birkholtz/Justin "Ransom" Oluransi
Series: blinded by the lights [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1803190
Comments: 4
Kudos: 59





	when i’m like this, you’re the one i trust

**Author's Note:**

> **warning** for implied/referenced anxiety (ransom suffers from extreme nightmares brought on by stress/anxiety)
> 
> title from “blinding lights” by the weeknd
> 
> check, please! and its characters belong to ngozi

Out of all the ways Justin gets jolted out of sleep, waking up screaming is his least favorite.

The lamp on the bedside table to his left clicks on. 

“Rans?” Adam says but he sounds far away, his voice barely discernible through the blood pounding in Justin’s ears. “Ransom?” 

Justin blinks through the haze and sees Adam half-sitting up, watching him.

“Is it okay if I touch you?” he asks. 

Justin nods. Adam brushes his hand back and forth across the back of Justin’s shoulders. 

“Hug,” Justin mumbles. 

He scoots closer to Adam, pressing his back into his chest, and Adam holds him tight. Adam’s heart beats steadily into his back, and Justin matches his breaths with the even rising and falling of Adam’s chest.

“What was it about?” Adam asks, and his voice seems to rumble deep from within his sternum. 

“What?” Justin manages in a hoarse whisper.

“The nightmare.” He slides his hands into Justin’s to let Justin idly play with his fingers. “Unless you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I was sinking in sand,” Justin says quietly. “I was shouting for help but no one else was around. I just kept sinking and yelling even though I couldn’t breathe and the weight of the sand was crushing me and you wouldn’t be able to hear it anyways.” 

“Is school stressing you out again?”

Justin shakes his head. “My grandma.” He takes a deep breath, picturing a yellow balloon expanding. “She went in for a checkup and they found something. They’re not sure what it is, so she has to get some tests done.” His breath wavers. “She’s healthy, especially for her age. We don’t think there’s anything to worry about but…” 

“Would you like me to bring you some warm milk?” 

“Yes,” Justin replies, feeling immature when he hears the way the word sounds like it’s being squeezed out of him. He lifts his body to let Adam slide out from under him. 

“Alright,” Adam says, learning over to kiss Justin on the cheek. “You stay here and just focus on deep breathing, okay?”

Justin’s heart skips when Adam leaves, but he closes his eyes and tries to follow Adam’s directions. 

Deep breath in through the nose, hold, out through the mouth. He hears Adam rummaging around in the kitchen, the clang of pots and pans, and the fridge opening. Sinking back into his pillow, he fills his mind with thoughts of Adam. 

When he'd gotten accepted into medical school, Adam beamed and it was like the sun poured out of him. He’d held Justin close and cried as he said, “I’m so proud of you. I knew you could do it.”

Occasionally when Justin gets back late, he’ll find Adam asleep on the couch, glasses askew, and he gets the pleasure of gently waking him up.

“Rans?” Adam will say, blinking sleepily at him. And every time he catches sight of him, he stares at Justin like he’s seeing the spring arriving after a long winter, face soft and open and completely smitten. 

“Let’s go to bed?” Justin will ask, offering his hand, and Adam will take it and pull himself off the couch, and they’ll go upstairs and fall asleep tangled up in each other.

Justin keeps these thoughts as anchors, largely for times like this. 

He sits up when Adam returns with two steaming mugs. Adam passes him one and they resituate themselves under the covers.

Justin takes a sip of the milk. Adam’s added spices and honey, and sweetness coats his tongue. It fills him with a deep sense of comfort. Slowly, he drains his mug. When it’s nearly empty, he sets it on his bedside table.

“Do you mind if I turn off the light?” Adam asks.

“No, go ahead,” Justin says. 

The lamp clicks and darkness blankets the room. Justin rolls onto his side to find Adam already facing him.

“Thank you,” Justin says. “Sorry I woke you up again.”

“Don’t worry about it. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Adam falls asleep first, and the sound of his light breathing lulls Justin to sleep shortly after.

In a few days he will get a phone call and learn that his grandma is fine, but for now, he’s here with Adam, and that makes him feel like everything will be okay.

  


__

* * *

  


The good news is the first time it happens Justin does not wake up screaming. 

The bad news is he accidentally whacks Adam because he’s thrashing around. 

“Ow! What the—” Adam groans. “Rans?”

Justin’s shaking, staring at Adam with wide eyes. 

“Shit,” Adam curses under his breath. He flips on his lamp. “Rans, are you with me? Can you hear me?” 

Justin reaches out, searching for Adam’s hand. Adam offers it and Justin grips it hard, like maybe it could ground the electricity in his veins.

“I know you’re freaking the fuck out right now but you are safe, okay? Nothing here can hurt you.” Adam carefully moves closer to him. “Can I ask you to do something for me?”

Justin nods.

“Can you tell me what we did on Saturday?”

“We… We went out to the park and walked around the pond. I brought a blanket so we could sit in the grass. A goose chased you and tried to bite your ass.” Justin laughs, in spite of the shakiness inside. “It was so fucking funny. And there was an ice cream stand so we bought a big hot fudge sundae to share. You dozed off for a little bit, and you looked really peaceful.” He closes his eyes, the corner of his mouth lifting into a tiny smile. “It was a good day.”

When he opens his eyes he finds that his muscles have relaxed; his heart no longer feels as if it’s trying to break out of his ribcage. 

“Are you alright?” Adam asks.

“I think so,” Justin says, a wobbly breath escaping his lungs. He knows Adam is wondering what caused this but he won’t ask, so he explains. “I get really bad nightmares sometimes. It’s been an issue ever since I was really little. I usually get them when I’m stressed or anxious about something.” 

Adam falls silent, chewing on his lower lip as he processes this. “Is this about getting accepted into med school?” he asks, voice low.

Justin shrugs. He’s been trying not to think about it because once he submitted his application he knew there was not much more he could do but drive himself insane worrying about it. To say it out loud would make it real, so he chooses to say nothing. 

Adam picks the remote control for the little TV in their room up off his nightstand. “You wanna watch something?”

Justin glances at his alarm clock. “Holtz, you gotta leave for work in like three hours.”

Adam shrugs. “So? If the volume’s low, I’ll still be able to sleep.” He opens up Netflix, a playful smirk hanging from his lips. “I won’t even tease you if you wanna watch Moana.”

The opening sequence plays and Adam readjusts himself so he’s lying down. He never lets go of Justin’s hand, though, and he runs his thumb back and forth across the back of his hand.

“I’m sorry,” Justin says softly.

Adam goes still. “For what? Being anxious?” Justin shrugs. “You can’t be serious.”

“It’s just. It’s a lot, having to deal with my problems. It’s stupid,” Justin mumbles.

“Rans, don’t say stuff like that.” Adam unconsciously squeezes Justin’s hand. “It’s not stupid, and I’m happy to help you deal with things like this.”

“But why?”

“Because I love you,” Adam answers like it’s nothing.

Justin isn’t prepared to respond to that. He can feel tears welling up in his eyes and any attempt to speak has a good chance of ending in him full-on crying. 

Adam simply opens his arms and Justin moves into them without a second thought, nestling himself into Adam’s side. 

“We’ll get through it,” Adam says, kissing Justin’s temple. “We always do.”

  


__

* * *

  


Justin’s pretty sure it would’ve been better if he hadn’t tried to bring in all of the groceries at once, but he’d rather face the risk of dropping a carton of eggs than have to take more than one trip. 

He finally gets the door open, but trips over a pair of shoes that’s just behind the door.

“What the—” He looks down. Those are Adam’s dress shoes, but Adam shouldn’t be home from work for a few more hours.

“Hello?” he calls out. “Holtz?” 

He hears the sound of Adele’s voice and Adam singing along loudly, accompanied by splashing. 

Not a good sign.

Justin quickly puts away the things that need to be refrigerated or frozen, and leaves the rest on the counter to be put away later. He makes his way up the stairs and into the bedroom. 

The master bathroom door is ajar and Justin nudges it open wider.

Adam is sitting in a tub full of bubblegum bubble bath, face covered in his fancy Lush face mask. Suds hang precariously onto the edge of the tub, and a few small mounds of bubbles have fallen onto the floor. He’s lit a candle labeled “Cozy Cottage”, which Justin thinks smells more like dirt than anything, but Adam only lights it when he’s in a bad mood, so he’s decided it’s not worth telling him.

Adam claps his hands together, watching the bubbles fly up into the air. As they come down, he catches sight of Justin in the doorway and scrambles to turn off his music.

“Hi,” he says, hunching his shoulders like he’s been caught red-handed doing something he shouldn’t be doing. “You’re home early.”

“Class got canceled,” Justin explains. “And so are you.”

Adam drops his gaze to his knees.

“Douchebag boss again?” 

Adam sinks deeper into the tub. Justin would laugh, if Adam didn’t look so distressed. His knees are practically up to his chin, and he doesn’t fit very well in the tub, so he looks like a giant child pouting in a mountain of bubbles. 

“Adam,” Justin says, softer this time. 

“I got laid off.”

“Oh.” Justin sits on the edge of the tub, ignoring the fact that his pants will be wet and soapy when he stands back up. “I’m sorry.”

“Someone in my department fucked up, and since I’m young and new and expendable, I was one of the first to go.”

Justin studies Adam’s face, gauging the depth of his emotional state. He’s obviously disappointed, but he’s not at “curl up in bed wrapped in blankets” levels of upset. Justin suspects that it may be due to the fact that Adam wasn’t very happy at his job in the first place. 

“Alright, well don’t stay in there too long. We’ve got a date to get on with.”

Adam frowns. “We do?”

“Yeah,” Justin replies, like he can’t believe Adam didn’t know. “We’re gonna walk downtown and get sushi, and stop by the bakery on our way home. And when we get back we can eat cake in bed and watch Kid Gorgeous.”

“Don’t you have an exam in a couple of days?”

“Yup.” Justin shrugs. “Some things are more important.”

“Wow, you really do love me,” Adam says, and Justin’s glad to see a glimmer in his eyes.

“I really do,” Justin agrees solemnly. “Isn’t that terrible?” He grins and leans over to kiss Adam on the mouth. “I’m gonna get changed and finish putting away groceries. Take your time. We’re not in any hurry.”

He leaves Adam alone and returns to the kitchen. He sorts through the groceries, glad he went through with his last minute decision to buy Adam a box of Trix cereal for his occasional late night snacking.

Once he’s finished with the groceries, he goes back upstairs to change into something slightly nicer. Then, he sits on their bed and waits. 

After a little while the bathroom door opens, releasing hot steam into the bedroom, and Adam steps out, fresh with a post-skincare glow. 

“Ready to go?” Justin asks, sliding off the bed. 

“Mmhm.” 

Justin catches Adam glancing at him as they stroll down the sidewalk together. Tension weighs on his shoulders and pulls his mouth into a thin line, like he’s got a mouthful of words to say but nothing’s coming out.

“What’s up man?” Justin asks, his tone light.

“I hope I’m not keeping you from, like, studying if you need to just because I had a shitty day. I know how tests make you feel.”

Justin flashes back to undergrad, when he’d get so freaked out about upcoming tests and the looming threat of “the Future” that he’d break down and hide under tables to shut it out. 

He’s hit with the realization of how far he’s come since then.

Part of it was living through it and figuring out his life goals, but having Adam there through it all has had a tremendous stabilizing effect on him.

“What’re you thinking about?” Adam asks cautiously.

“I’m thinking about how lucky I am to have you.”

The tension eases on Adam’s face, replaced with a content smile. “Funny,” he hums, “because I was thinking the same thing about you.”

**Author's Note:**

> i’m working on one more fic for this series that is set in between this and “i can’t sleep until i feel your touch” so keep an eye out for that, but i don’t know how long it’ll take me (though that’s true about literally anything i write :P )
> 
> also i’ve decided that this is an au but i don’t know exactly how to label it because i don’t know how far it veers from canon so all you really need to know that it’s not the canon universe check, please! takes place in 
> 
> if there are any errors i'll catch and fix them later
> 
> comments/kudos/bookmarks are always appreciated! :)
> 
> come say hi to me on tumblr! [@omgdexnursey](https://omgdexnursey.tumblr.com/)


End file.
